Appliances have personalities. Now, there’s not one person out there who disagrees with this. Think about your own appliances. Mmhmm. Here’s the Human Resources file on mine:
- Plays Schubert’s The Trout when a load is complete.
- Generously makes room for items when Mom needs it to
- Not vain about appearance – accepts second job as art gallery without extra pay
- In cahoots with the smoke alarm
- Has commercial aspirations
- Silently biding its time
- Passive-aggressively takes pleasure in beeping as loud as possible after small children have gone to bed.
- Only keeps door shut under duress
- Grumbles but performs
- Best when graded on a curve
[Ah yes… the freezer. Even though the freezer is part and parcel with the fridge I’m giving it its own entry.]
- Underperformer except for ice cream (puts all the energy into dropping ice cream temperature to 4°K)
- Generates a shocking amount of frost despite being brand new and having no seal problems
- Ice maker unreliable*
* Look, the ice maker defies description. I’m going to put down verbatim the conversation I had with it last week.
[I open the freezer and find 3 ice cubes.]
Me: What have you been doing all day? Three ice cubes?? Seriously?
I.M.: [Shrugs, avoids eye contact.]
Me: Look, I know sometimes we put demands on you but we’re reasonable people. I don’t expect ice every 15 minutes. I do expect you to have two tray’s worth finished since we’ve been gone all morning to church. Is that too much to ask?
I.M.: [coughs slightly, focuses intently on ice cream]
Me: No, leave that ice cream alone! I think you’re obsessed with it!
I.M.: [rolls eyes]
Me: *sigh* Look, just put a little more effort into it. Are you frosted over? *checks* No, you’re just fine. I think you’re a hypochondriac.
Me: Ok, ok, I’m done.