I was just updating my calendar and making a note in all caps for February 2: WEBSITE MUST BE READY AND STOCKED because a cool new thing is beginning that week on Monday. This is a bit harrowing because we are literally moving the previous week. Anyway, more on that event (much more) later. Argh. I can’t get rid of the butterflies in my stomach.
So laying the event aside, as I was entering that on the 2nd I noted to myself that it is the feast of the Meeting of Christ in the temple. Of course this is one of the 12 great feasts, but this is also significant because this is when Father and I were received into the Church. I did a little mental arithmetic and realized that was 22 years ago. 22 YEARS?!?!
I looked at myself and thought, how disappointing that I have been able to avail myself of the riches of the Church for 22 years, a little less than half my life, and this is as far as I’ve gotten. Just when am I thinking I’m going to get serious about this? Heck, I’m not planning to, but I could drop dead tomorrow. What a paltry offering I would have to make.
It’s sobering to realize this is for real and you don’t get a second life or a do-over. This is the life I’m given and the crosses I’ve been handed and it’s up to me to follow the path to sainthood or wallow in mediocrity.
Praying With My Feet 
February 20 will mark 21 years for me. As soon as you said “22 years” it actually hit me that I was at 21, and honestly I felt the same way. How lovely to see you articulate it at the same time! I can feel that I’m at a moment in my life that is not as fruitful a spiritual season as other seasons have been. The Triodion is almost here — Great Lent arrives in perfect time, as always.
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That is true, Lent is on its way. Truth be told, I suppose it’s better to feel this way than satisfied and patting myself on the back, but that’s pretty skimpy.
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Amen.
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Hear you! I’ve been Orthodox three years now, and at 66, it would be pretty miraculous to expect a 22-year anniversary of faith on earth. To go from a lifetime of being a Sunday Evangelical to EO and a full liturgical calendar of both Communion and communion can be overwhelming.
Robert Mims Writer, Editor, Storyteller remims53@outlook.com
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It’s not the years that count, but what we do with them.
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Many years! (to come) We were received 18 years ago this past December. I was just talking to a catechumen about it yesterday as she was marveling at all she had to learn and take in. I told her the first 10 years was such a blur for me and I had small children at my side the whole time. It wasn’t until they were older that I really felt like I was learning anything. Growing at all. Now 18 years in I yearn for Great Lent, every year. For opportunities of growth. Ha…and then I cry when God gives me those opportunities in ways I wasn’t prepared for. Just for a time though, until I realize it WAS that opportunity I was looking for and He knows it was the best one.
I hear you. I pray God grants me enough time in my life to grow and learn . To learn to live a life that reflects the love of Christ and the joy of the Resurrection. Daily.
Can’t wait to hear about your event!
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This move is feeling like an exam. Not a final exam (I don’t *think* I’m about to head out…) but something like a mid-term. There’s the whole move complicated by our usually busy life that doesn’t stop, and then at least one hiccup is found every day, most completely unrelated to moving, but that take time and attention I feel like I don’t have. So many temptations to despair! I say at least once a day, “seriously, God? Isn’t my load heavy enough?” but somehow things keep scraping by and it sure is making me say the Jesus Prayer.
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Remember that it’s not ours to judge how we’re doing! Actually we can’t how can we know how we’re doing?! Sure, we can understand if we fell into a grave sin and that would be bad…. But ultimately we are not the judge of our own life! I understand very very well the disappointment one can feel in midlife thinking they were going to be somehow a superstar and instead they’re faced with their own inward poverty and often desolation… But the whole point of this is that we’re not worthy… that’s not to say that laziness is not an issue but even that I think we just confess it and trust God …. As we get older, as our lives get more complicated, and, frankly, harder ….. I think it’s even more important to leave everything to the mercy of God.
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I have to throw myself on God’s mercy because I’m lost otherwise. I myself know how much time I waste, how judgmental I am, etc.
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