Evolution

I originally posted this many years ago, sometime in 2012. I was going through old drafts today and read this and found it funny. If I had to write the same thing today, things would change for babies 6-11, because everything changes once you lose a child. I had lost two babies at the time I wrote this, but apparently wanted to stay positive. [Note: I am not pregnant.] Nevertheless this is a funny snapshot of life many years ago. Enjoy!
First Child
Immediately start thinking of names. Make lists. Avoid family names.
Every week turn sideways in front of mirror to see if looking pregnant yet.
Maternity clothes hang in closet for first five months before being worn.
Nursery set up with hand-me-down crib.
Clothes washed immediately after baby shower and hung on matching hangers.
Baby is photographed 6,401 times. Photographs made of first time going home, first time in car seat, first bath, first visit to grandma, first (possible) smile, first…
Pristine diaper bag is organized perfectly. Everything taken out is put back carefully in its place.
Baby has complete head-to-toe change if drools or spits up a teaspoon.
Nurse under a blanket in room with closed door. Pump to use bottle when out of house.
Hold sleeping baby and marvel.
Second Child
Go over list from last time and use names you wished you could use the first time. Allow family names.
Start looking pregnant by the end of the forth month.
Add a few more seasonal maternity clothes.
Move first baby out of crib and into toddler bed in nursery.
Get out baby clothes from storage and wash four weeks before delivery.
Baby is photographed 2,200 times. 60% have first baby in them as well.
Diaper bag bulges with diapers for two babies. Things crammed in where they can fit.
Baby clothes changes limited to 3 a day.
Nurse in car under blanket when out of house.
Hold sleeping baby and marvel.
Third Child
Wonder when you’ll get to use the boy names you picked out a few years ago.
Start looking pregnant by middle of third month.
Getting sick of the same maternity clothes.
Buy second toddler bed and move second baby out of crib into it in nursery.
Hope it’s a girl because all hand-me-downs are pink.
Baby is photographed 900 times. 70% have either or both first two babies in them as well.
Carry diaper bag instead of purse. Contains complete changes of clothes for three children, diapers, wipes, cheerios, plastic bags, blankets, sippy cups, burp cloths, hats, sunscreen, bandaids, infant Tylenol, toys…
Onesie damp with drool is considered cooling on hot days.
Nurse wherever baby hungry using blanket. Expert at art of strategically arranging clothing.
Hold sleeping baby and marvel.
Fourth Child
Finally get to use the boy names. Avoid family names.
Start looking pregnant immediately
Maternity clothes never got put away from last time.
Put first two babies in twin beds and third baby in toddler bed at foot of twin beds. Get new crib mattress. Make sure ultrasound is done and immediately tell everyone to send baby clothes that are NOT pink.
Baby is photographed 280 times. Only 20% are of baby alone.
Diaper bag fraying. Contents have not changed.
Don’t mind changing clothes frequently because it’s such a nice change to use blue.
Ditch the specialty nursing tops. Nurse wherever and whenever using receiving blanket.
Hold sleeping baby and marvel.
[small break]
Fifth Child
Go ahead and use family names.
Looked vaguely pregnant before even knew were pregnant.
Maternity clothes either in rags, given away or out of season. Borrow more.
Get new crib.
Wait until ultrasound to know which storage totes to get out: boy or girl. Relax: have infant clothes in all sizes, colors and seasons.
Baby is photographed 2,480 times (new camera).
Repurpose random zipped tote for new diaper bag. Only one baby now using it.
Perfect the art of double-bibbing. Invest in new bibs.
Nursing second nature.
Hold sleeping baby and marvel.

9 thoughts on “Evolution

  1. This is funny and lovely. I love seeing the smiling photos of you, too. I'm still trying to hold my five year old and marvel, but she's rarely asleep. 🙂 Certainly, all of our babies are a marvel.

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  2. First child : had name in mind for either gender. Used our girl name, not a family name. Bust line increased significantly and looked pregnant pretty early. Bought maternity bras (took forever to find any that event remotely fit! and wore for a few weeks before finding out Julia had no heartbeat. No maternity clothing worn otherwise. (Didn't think that I'd ever fit in them!) Very few photos taken while pregnant, none taken of baby.

    Second child: had name in mind for boy, had to decide on a name for girl. Didn't know until much later that boy name was a variant of a family name. On both of our mother's sides of the family! Actually got to wear maternity clothing from 5 months on. Definitely filled out maternity shirts. Lucked out and wore same 2 pairs of pants entire pregnancy. (Carried Evan up and over waist band of pants. Score.) Took oodles of photos while we had him.

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  3. A.H. – I know…I thought about adding children numbers 6 and 7 too, but I was trying not to end on a sad note (just for my own sake). An evolution took place there too but of a slightly different kind. (((Hugs))) I hope you have another very positive “step” in your maternal evolution soon.

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