Coloring is a contact sport.

The only right way to get dressed is to have a race with someone else.

Wearing a ponytail can save your life.*

Cake means birthday regardless of the calendar.

Children don’t actually like making sandcastles in molds. 

It’s possible to survive entirely on a diet of bread and cheese.

Tadpoles in the drainage ditch are more interesting than historic forts.

You can’t make a child be quiet in church. If they are determined to cry/yell/talk loudly, they will, and no admonishment, redirecting, threats, or bribes will deter them.

Everything, everything, is a group activity.

A pad of post-it notes buys you 20 minutes of peace.

If they ask for a cheese sandwich cut into triangles there is a 50% chance they wanted squares, a 35% chance they didn’t want it cut, and a 15% chance they wanted PBJ. 

Anything can be anthropomorphized. I was told yesterday that the top to a plastic teapot “liked” me, and I had to assure Moppet that the three tape measures she had tucked into a “bed” with their heads sticking out were cozy.

* A few nights ago during the babies’ bath I walked into the bathroom unaware that there was a gallon of water on the floor, and in pure slapstick fashion, fell flat on my back and hit my head.