Coloring is a contact sport.
The only right way to get dressed is to have a race with someone else.
Wearing a ponytail can save your life.*
Cake means birthday regardless of the calendar.
Children don’t actually like making sandcastles in molds.
It’s possible to survive entirely on a diet of bread and cheese.
Tadpoles in the drainage ditch are more interesting than historic forts.
You can’t make a child be quiet in church. If they are determined to cry/yell/talk loudly, they will, and no admonishment, redirecting, threats, or bribes will deter them.
Everything, everything, is a group activity.
A pad of post-it notes buys you 20 minutes of peace.
If they ask for a cheese sandwich cut into triangles there is a 50% chance they wanted squares, a 35% chance they didn’t want it cut, and a 15% chance they wanted PBJ.
Anything can be anthropomorphized. I was told yesterday that the top to a plastic teapot “liked” me, and I had to assure Moppet that the three tape measures she had tucked into a “bed” with their heads sticking out were cozy.
* A few nights ago during the babies’ bath I walked into the bathroom unaware that there was a gallon of water on the floor, and in pure slapstick fashion, fell flat on my back and hit my head.