Sometimes my mind outstrips my abilities or energy. Well, most of the time. All the time.
This pregnancy has been difficult but only in terms of lack of energy. I’m fine, the baby is fine, etc. No problems whatsoever. Except for that nap in the middle of most days. And the bit where I only have energy for a quarter of the things I need/want to do.
Even before I was pregnant I wanted to get my hands on all the yarn in my stash and make things all day long, without regard to meals, etc. Naturally impossible and I knew it. I could only prioritize and try to restrict myself to no more than two projects in progress at once. When orders from the shop come in I have to force myself to put down a pet project in order to work on the order first.
Sometimes I move from one order to the next and the beloved pet project languishes in the wings. In a more perfect world I’d allot myself X hours to work on shop things and Y hours to work on pet projects, in the framework of a normal day of chores and childcare. Unfortunately, there are no “normal days” and this is most certainly not a perfect world. When I wake up in the morning I have no idea if this is going to be another day of “velcro-baby” in which I have a two-year-old clinging to me and we watch enough children’s programming on youtube to make my brain leak out my ears until I start making sarcastic remarks to all the characters in my head. I force myself to stay awake in the afternoon during her nap to frantically work on Etsy orders or run to the store instead of having a rest myself. Generally, it’s very likely that if I wake up with great plans and a modicum of energy, I won’t accomplish any of them.
Sadly, even though I know I have limitations, my brain doesn’t stop working and the number of “Oooh! I must make THAT!” projects piles up in my head. My heart also elbows in and I volunteer to make projects for charities and then later start feeling panic when I realize that if only I could forego sleep entirely I could get it all done.
I’m never going to get it all done. This time of low-energy and limited time is not a bad thing. I have several friends with multiple chronic health problems who deal with a very limited amount of energy on a daily basis. Every day. They have to prioritize in order to get the absolutely most important things done, which often leaves them no time for things they might like to do. For them, this is a daily and life-long struggle. Being put in this temporary position certainly impresses upon me the reality of what they struggle with in a way that merely hearing about it doesn’t. One day, through disease or disability or just old age I may be wearing the same shoes. Learning to be patient and not grieve the impossible now will certainly help in the long run. We just can’t “do all the things”. Nobody can. But it’s ok.
God doesn’t ask us to “do all the things”. One thing we can to all the time is pray – pray unceasingly. We can pray no matter what we’re doing: “Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me a sinner.” Beyond that, we just do our best. God knows that we have limitations. Fretting over an inability to do more than we can do is fruitless and prideful, as if we’re saying, “I know best what I should be doing.” If I were completely confined to bed for the next few months, able only to knit a tiny bit, read, and coach someone’s spelling words from the bed, then I would be doing all I could do. God doesn’t ask more. He certainly doesn’t ask us to compare ourselves to what others are doing.
Let us be grateful in this day for what God has given us. Let us pray unceasingly. Let us acquire patience. May God help us in these endeavors!