How to Toddler-Proof a Room

How to toddler-proof? Isn’t that just like baby-proofing? Ahahahaha! You poor dear. Let’s look at this more closely:

Pickles, 2008

Baby Proofing:

1. Examine floor for small objects. Remove from reach anything that can fit through a toilet paper tube.

2. Insert outlet covers into all outlets near the floor. Hide or cover all electrical cords.

3. Place fire-guard across fire place.

4. Put foam covers on sharp corners of furniture.

See? Simple. Just get on the floor on your stomach and look around, pretending you’re a small, creeping baby. Toddler-proofing is a bit harder. Now you have to pretend you’re a circus-trained contortionist who is a cross between Albert Einstein and Superman with a little Houdini thrown in for fun.

Pickles, 2007

Toddler Proofing:

1. Remove or anchor to the wall/floor all pieces of furniture that can be moved. This includes chairs. You will eat all of your meals standing up for the next two years. Or, a viable option is an all-in-one picnic table.

Miss Moppet, 2014

2. Pack your tablecloths away for the next few years.

3. Do not leave anything at all on the table, even if there are no
chairs and the item is in the exact center of the table. This includes
setting your coffee cup down for 2.7 seconds.

Miss Moppet, 2014

4. Only use the top two shelves of bookcases five shelves or higher. Get rid of any bookcases with fewer shelves because there’s no point in having empty bookcases sitting around.

5. Remove all pieces of furniture with drawers unless the drawers are higher than 4 feet from the ground. Empty drawers are not safe. They turn into stairs.

Pickles, 2009

6. Use constant supervision when child is playing with anything larger than 6 inches on a side. These turn into stairs.

Pickles, 2007

7. Remove all curtains and/or blinds.

8. Invest in baby gates that are taller than your toddler is high. Toddlers can hook their heels over the tops of gates that are as high as their heads and then vault over. Aim for six inches higher. And resign yourself to living in this room without leaving for the next two years since you can’t get out either. Watch trapped adults turn into extras from Lord of the Flies.

Miss Moppet, 2014

Any questions?

16 thoughts on “How to Toddler-Proof a Room

  1. Oh my goodness! My twins are almost 3 but we are still in that stage, except now they are squabbling with their older brothers. I happened to use the restroom last Friday after supper and ended up in the ER with a twin b/c he was fighting with his 5yr old brother and smacked his head into the corner of the entertainment center. Five stitches, fun.

    I LOVE the pictures of Pickles. Totally my life. πŸ™‚

    Like

  2. I need to learn from the master. I just had to put locks on the cabinets and a doorknob lock on the pantry. But it means I have 2 boys who are being curious and adventurous, so I am reminding myself to rejoice in the mess and chaos. It works well…….. Sometimes. πŸ™‚

    Like

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