Remembering…and carrying on…

Sorry for my silence. I just realized it’s been a few days since I’ve posted. No, nothing wrong (although I woke up with a cold this morning…and a feverish little boy draped over me). Just quiet.

I’ve been thinking lately about Innocent. His second “anniversary” is in a few weeks on March 31st. Given that that date is a Sunday (in fact, Easter Sunday for those on the Western calendar) we’ll have the memorial service the day before. I am thinking about planting some daffodils around the graves when we go out there. The Easter lilies should have come up although they won’t be blooming yet. I want to plant things that will tend to themselves and come back every year, spreading slowly. The lilies and daffodils should get along nicely together.

Two years. Such a long time, but it seems like yesterday. I still think about both Andrew and Innocent every day but rarely if ever tear up. I know they are well taken care of and aren’t suffering. God-willing I will see them again one day.

Not very long after Innocent was born I started Lost Innocents. My intention was to create a place where women (especially Orthodox, but anyone welcome) could go when they were given the devastating news that they were losing their babies. A place for information on what to expect, what to do, how to cope, etc. A place to see photographs of babies the age of their baby. Since its inception Lost Innocents has been visited over 84,000 times. I’m not sure how many women have emailed me with questions, to thank me for providing needed information or to offer their own stories and photographs. People have shared the site and its various pages on Facebook, Pinterest, message boards, and their own blogs. The photographs have given some pro-abortion individuals pause. I like to think that a difference has been made.

I miss my little boys. I miss knowing who they would have become, watching them grow up, interacting with their brothers and sisters. It hurts a bit when I see my girls playing with babies and toddlers, knowing they wish their little brothers were with them. Maybe one day my little boys will be big brothers. In the meantime we carry on without them, venerate their patrons’ icons, remember them with memorial services and carry them in our hearts. And I keep plugging away at Lost Innocents, comforting the grieving, rescuing the lost, trying to provide some peace for those in distress. Lord have mercy.

5 thoughts on “Remembering…and carrying on…

  1. Two years… We're planning to go to Aleksas' gravesite as well, since it's Easter holiday this year my parents will be joining me and Eliana to plant some more flowers (although I gather at least the snowdrops will be blooming even if winter seems unwilling to leave this part of the world) Two years is such a short time, but in the same time it feels like a lifetime (for his little sister it is).

    I echo your words. I miss him. I miss what I will never get to know. But he is well taken care of.



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