4 AM

It's dark at 4 AM. At 8 AM I remember my child is in heaven. At 4 AM I wonder where she is. I wonder where Innocent is. I worry about them crying and not being held. My heart aches. My useless, empty arms ache. I fell asleep reading last night at 8:00. Father stayed … Continue reading 4 AM

Day 2

I appreciate all of the prayers and expressions of sympathy. I can't wake up from this nightmare. I'm trying to internalize what happened but it's so huge and horrible it just simply doesn't fit. I'm making a "to do" list to keep me sane because I'm a list-maker. 1. Order icon of St. Andrew. (done) … Continue reading Day 2

There's no other way to put this. I couldn't find a heartbeat this morning with the doppler. We drove up the interstate to the hospital and my doctor confirmed with an ultrasound that the baby died. I last got a heartbeat, a nice strong one, late Tuesday night, so that means the baby almost certainly … Continue reading