It's dark at 4 AM. At 8 AM I remember my child is in heaven. At 4 AM I wonder where she is. I wonder where Innocent is. I worry about them crying and not being held. My heart aches. My useless, empty arms ache. I fell asleep reading last night at 8:00. Father stayed … Continue reading 4 AM
Month: December 2011
Something pretty
I so badly want this baby to have something pretty. I feel like I did the best I could for Innocent under the circumstances. I was so worried about having an intact body (and not having to go through surgery) that I didn't do all I could for him. I don't really feel guilt; like … Continue reading Something pretty
Day 2
I appreciate all of the prayers and expressions of sympathy. I can't wake up from this nightmare. I'm trying to internalize what happened but it's so huge and horrible it just simply doesn't fit. I'm making a "to do" list to keep me sane because I'm a list-maker. 1. Order icon of St. Andrew. (done) … Continue reading Day 2
There's no other way to put this. I couldn't find a heartbeat this morning with the doppler. We drove up the interstate to the hospital and my doctor confirmed with an ultrasound that the baby died. I last got a heartbeat, a nice strong one, late Tuesday night, so that means the baby almost certainly … Continue reading
Fasting Coconut Soup
This recipe is adapted from a favorite soup (Coconut Chicken Soup) served at Surin of Thailand, a particularly awesome restaurant. Ok, so it's better with chicken, but it's pretty darn good the way we make it too. (: This is a good festal or company recipe. [Your only issue may be finding the ingredients. I … Continue reading Fasting Coconut Soup
