I’m making a “to do” list to keep me sane because I’m a list-maker.
1. Order icon of St. Andrew. (done)
2. Make measurement sketch from photos of Innocent – they will be the same size.
3. Make tiny white shroud and cap.
4. Make small flannel blanket in pink (and blue just in case).
5. Shop for casket.
6. Modify casket.
7. Arrange childcare for when in hospital. (friend working on it)
8. Pack hospital bag.
9. Make list of everything I want to do with the baby so I don’t forget in my fogginess.
I’ve decided that I’m not going to let the hospital staff take the baby away out of sight even for a minute. I just can’t trust that they won’t do something to her or not let me have her back. What will they do, arrest me? Personal feelings simply don’t come into play. It just seems much wiser to hold her and not let anyone take her away.
I can’t forget that this is Advent. I can’t forget that the feast of St. Nicholas is next week. My five living children will have a happy Christmas if it kills me. The reason I am going with the induction is so I don’t risk miscarrying on Christmas eve.
I’m sorry this is so incoherent. I’m grateful for all of you, for your support and prayers. I want to let you know what’s going on.