The fact of the matter is, I just don’t like the way I look.
Now, I am pretty sure that none of the women I saw are supermodels. But did I look at any of the pictures and say to myself, “Good heavens! Why on earth would she post such a horrible picture of herself! Run!” No I did not. I thought, “What a lovely mother and her children.” After the fifth picture or so this morning, it occurred to me that this was probably not a coincidence; I probably had not simply stumbled on the five best-looking moms this morning.
I thought back: what about these moms was so attractive? Were they all dressed to the nines? Were they all 120 lbs? Was every hair in place? No. What they all had in common was that they were all smiling. That was it.
Well, I guess I can smile.
I’m mostly not in the picture because I’m usually behind the camera. To be perfectly honest, most of the reason I’m always behind the camera is precisely so that I won’t be in front of the camera. This is calculated.
I remember what one woman told me a few years ago. She said that when her mother died many years before she and her siblings could only find a handful of pictures with her mother in them. This just about broke their hearts. They remembered that “Mama never wanted to be in the picture because she didn’t like the way she looked.” They treasured up the few photos they did have. This woman told me that ever since then, she has not dodged the camera, thinking of the day when her own children and grandchildren will wish they had pictures.
This bears thinking about.
I’ve just gone through several years of photos, and there are so few of me. Most of the ones of me holding the children show part of my shoulder or my arms. Not my face. There are pictures of me with the older children when they were little, but we didn’t have a digital camera then. As a sort of AA intervention (“Hello, my name is X and I hate having my picture taken.”), I’m posting some pictures of myself. This is when you all run screaming. (c;
Praying With My Feet 
What a lovely mama you are!
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Well, I love the way you look and am glad you shared theses photos.
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Matushka, you are a beautiful woman! Thank you for posting pics of yourself:)
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You are beautiful and these photos certainly didn't make me run screaming! I don't often blog photos of myself either and I have been trying so hard to ask RJ to take pictures of me so that the children will have these one day.
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Well, thank you ladies! I promise I wasn't fishing!
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You are so beautiful! Don't be afraid to have pictures taken of yourself because you are lovely.
I just said to my hubby on Thursday that i need more photos taken of myself. I have only a few because I am always behind the camera. I am going to try to put some effort in to change this. I want my babies to have pictures of their mama with them (or on her own) from when they were young.
Thanks for sharing these!
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These are lovely. I'm glad you posted the pictures.
May i also say, i like your headscarves. I usually wear something of the kind myself and feel a bit lonely… :)You look lovely in them.
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All beautiful photos Matushka! Thanks for sharing!
M.Michelle
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Thank you for sharing the photos! You have a lovely smile.
As I've been getting to know you through your blog this last while, I've been wishing there was a bigger picture of you somewhere than just the one on your profile pic. I enjoyed getting to see you in action! I feel like I know you a little better now! 🙂
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Thank you “Writer”, for your comment about scarves. I have lots and lots. Honestly, my favorites are the simple cotton kerchiefs I can find at discount department stores (like Walmart). They come in lots of bright colors. I always feel like I'm really going to accomplish something when I put one on in the morning. [Although I'm not in the habit of always wearing a scarf outside of church. (c; ]
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Patty, you posted while I was posting… I missed your comment!
Aren't you supposed to be working on having that baby instead of wandering around my blog? (c;
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I just recently found your blog and have wanted to post to say how much I have enjoyed reading through some of your entries. I LOVE the title, I LOVE the advice your spiritual father gave to you….I have been reflecting on it for days.
As for the pictures, I think they are great ! I see a lot of beauty and joy in the photos of you. YOu should be sure to have more pictures taken and keep posting them! Just recently, I had the same thought more or less…there doesn't seem to be many pictures of ME with the kids. I am also the one behind the camera for the most part. I am putting some energy into changing that (which means tossing the camera to my husband sometimes and saying “hey, take our picture”!) !!
Thank you for sharing a little bit of “you” !
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Beautiful photos! I always enjoy seeing photos of the writers of the blogs I frequent. Yet, I avoid the camera for similar reasons. You make some wonderful points–maybe I'll let my husband take a few photos once in a while. Thank you for sharing.
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I love all of the feedback, ladies. I hope to see more pictures of YOU on YOUR blogs soon!
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I realized something similar when I tried to find a picture (in focus, facing front, in vestments, without the baby) of my husband for the new parish's website. One photo, from his ordination. That's it.
Also, you look like a flower in a garden of children, and I especially love the hat in the last picture.
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Magda: I had the same problem looking for a picture of Father for the website. He is more camera-shy than *I* am!
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love this post… good memories here 🙂 and you are beautiful, every day.
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Pretty momma! It took me a long time to get over that–blogging my sewing adventures has really helped me to take photographs of myself (and post them!) and not feel terrible about the way I look. It is a process, to be sure!
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