The fact of the matter is, I just don’t like the way I look.
Now, I am pretty sure that none of the women I saw are supermodels. But did I look at any of the pictures and say to myself, “Good heavens! Why on earth would she post such a horrible picture of herself! Run!” No I did not. I thought, “What a lovely mother and her children.” After the fifth picture or so this morning, it occurred to me that this was probably not a coincidence; I probably had not simply stumbled on the five best-looking moms this morning.
I thought back: what about these moms was so attractive? Were they all dressed to the nines? Were they all 120 lbs? Was every hair in place? No. What they all had in common was that they were all smiling. That was it.
Well, I guess I can smile.
I’m mostly not in the picture because I’m usually behind the camera. To be perfectly honest, most of the reason I’m always behind the camera is precisely so that I won’t be in front of the camera. This is calculated.
I remember what one woman told me a few years ago. She said that when her mother died many years before she and her siblings could only find a handful of pictures with her mother in them. This just about broke their hearts. They remembered that “Mama never wanted to be in the picture because she didn’t like the way she looked.” They treasured up the few photos they did have. This woman told me that ever since then, she has not dodged the camera, thinking of the day when her own children and grandchildren will wish they had pictures.
This bears thinking about.
I’ve just gone through several years of photos, and there are so few of me. Most of the ones of me holding the children show part of my shoulder or my arms. Not my face. There are pictures of me with the older children when they were little, but we didn’t have a digital camera then. As a sort of AA intervention (“Hello, my name is X and I hate having my picture taken.”), I’m posting some pictures of myself. This is when you all run screaming. (c;